I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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