Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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