I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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