Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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