I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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