Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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