eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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