apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize