he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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