I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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