Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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