so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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