You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize