mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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