It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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