Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize