he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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