Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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