You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
