he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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