nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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