Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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