I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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