I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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