Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The ass gains better be worth it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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