2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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