Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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