yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize