God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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