dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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