My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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