Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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