just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize