Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Shame - the story of my life.
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