I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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