were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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