If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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