The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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