i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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