I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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