Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize