u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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