just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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