Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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