I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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