she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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