dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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