he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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