I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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