i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize